Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I'm passing your future prison.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
she told me i tasted like america
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
