All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
