but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
