I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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