U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
