i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
