honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
