Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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