Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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