Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
