on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
