I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
