Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
