last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
