I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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