Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I think I am morally bankrupt
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
