I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
im holly from the hills drunk
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I love you.
Bad choice
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
