Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
