I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
My dad just said "fuck circus"
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
