i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
