Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
