I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
