he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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