Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Actions speak louder than pants.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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