would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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