I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
