She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
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I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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