Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
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its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
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Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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