I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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