Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
