Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
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