Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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