Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
