Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
A bitchslap is in order.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
