I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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