He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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