6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.