hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
