Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Here’s Why Hotel Photos On Travel Websites Are A Complete Hoax
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?