I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
21 Embarrassing Stories From Adults Who’ve Crapped Their Pants
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold