Your face is a jimmy john
Duck Duck Cougar?
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.