I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
