she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
