something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
