Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
