she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
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Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
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You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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