so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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