her vagine was all disorganized.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
