where am i from again
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Randomize
