I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
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I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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