Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
