had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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