Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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