Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
