Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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