Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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