It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Randomize
