about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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