I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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