Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
