Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You took a bar mat shot.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
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