im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
