i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
