i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
