so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
