my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Randomize
