Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
