i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
