There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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