I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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