thus making me awesome and them whores
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
