If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
