i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
