She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
