im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
