If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
