We need to start having sex underwater more often.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
