I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
