I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
