i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Randomize
