guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
