You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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