my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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