this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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