I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
He did a backflip because drugs
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