my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
The ass gains better be worth it
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
