I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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